Boy! Times have changed.

It's been ages, since I've felt the overwhelming urge to sit down and blog. But tonight, I decided that I need to start using my macbook to justify the crazy amount of money that I spent for a toy. Why do I call it a toy. I have a work laptop that I use for most everything. I also have a home desktop with Windows 10 that should suffice for my basic home use, which consists of paying bills, and browsing the web. I also have a personal laptop with Windows 10 that I bought 3 years ago, so that I would have a laptop that I could take to conference rooms, since my new job did not provide laptops. We just had terminals, so I could login to my work computer from any machine. At the time, it seemed like the cost was worth the convenience. Unfortunately, I only stayed at that job 5 months.

So, when I moved on to my current company, I used my laptop for home stuff and crafting. But I've grown more and more frustrated with Windows 10. It takes 30 minutes to an hour to get all the updates, when I brave turning the laptop on every other month or so. Also, in the past year or so, I've been watching training Videos on Amazon AWS and most of the time the instructor is using a Mac. That sparked my curiosity, so I turned to Youtube to learn more about Mac. 10 years a go, I would have never changed. I was a .Net developer and I needed all my very big and clunky dev tools, like Visual Studio. Now, I don't do any development. Most of my work is around managing a development team. So, my main reason to stay with windows has gone. Windows 10 frustrates me and seems like it has all this extra junk. I just want to get online and browse the web or manage my budget from a spreadsheet.

To that is my rambling post for tonight.

Screw dieting!!!

I know the title may be a little harsh for some, but that is how I feel! I am so sick of dieting. Low Carb, Low Fat, etc., etc.  I just can't do it any more.

Let me give you some information about myself and my history. I am currently 39 years, old. In my twenties I went up, but was able to go back down by cutting calories and junk food. But in my 30s, my body stopped responding the same way. In 2009, I weighed in at 174 on my doctor's scale. OMG! I was mortified. I was so mad at my husband for not telling me I had gotten that fat. I had stopped weighing myself out of frustration. Wow! It had been a long time since I had been on the scale at that point.

So in 2010, I took the plunge and joined Jenny Craig. My goal was to lost 40 lbs and get back down to 130. It was a huge mistake for putting such a big number and not incrementing up. But that is neither here nor there. It just meant I didn't get certain perks by hitting my goals. I average 1-1.5 lbs a week. I keep losing for the first 6-8 months. But after that I plateaued at 140 and my scale would not budge. So after 6 months of being at the same weight, I went ahead and stopped the program. I stayed around the same weight for quite some time. I fluctuated in a 5 pound range.

At the end of 2011, I had gotten back up to around 160. So I decided I needed to do something that had fast results. I just couldn't have to starve for a long period of time. SO I tried the HCG diet. I had great results, I did the 6 week plan, and lost 17 lbs. I plateauted the last two weeks. I took a month off and tried to do the 3 week plan. But I caught a cold 1.5 weeks in. So I figured I would give it a rest for a while.  At the end of 2012 I had gotten down to 133 lbs. the lowest I had been in years. I felt good and looked good.

My job took a turn in 2013. And the responsibility and stress sky rockets. So over the next year and a half I put on 27 lbs. I've tried throughout the last year to lose weight. But I go three days and I either get sick or feel so bad that I can't stick with it.

So, I've been beating myself up trying to figure out what I should do. I got a fitbit in March. But no matter how much I walk, my scale just doesn't go down more than a pound or two. Then back up 3 pounds. It's been frustrating and stressful. I don't want to be this weight. I want to feel better in my own clothes, eating like a normal person. So enter Matt Stone.  I'm going to stop here and I will tell you all about my new journey in the next post.

Love Quote

Here's a little quote that I came up with.

"Love was the question, and you are the answer."

This has been floating around in my head for a while. I wanted to make this quote as part a poem, but the rest of the words haven't come to me yet. So, I wanted to get this jotted down before I forgot it.

The backstory on this comes from my search for my soul mate. I spent my teenage years searching for my soul mate. Constantly questioning God and Fate when I would find him. Now years later, I can see the divine timing in my past. That the right person showed up at the right time. Some left. Some come and go. And there are a few that remain permanently part of my heart.

Why the Sky Is Blue

I am going to start this post with a little back story. During my senior year of high school, I started coming up with a list of qualities that my soul mate would have to have. I also came up with a list of questions that "he" would have to answer. If they answered correctly, it was a clue that he was the one.

The following question was based on the fact that I wanted someone who had similar qualities to my dad. My dad is very open minded and intelligent. I used to think he knew everything. One evening while watching TV, I asked him "Why is the sky blue?". Of course, he had the right answer and explained it in simple, easy to understand terms. That became one of my favorite questions to ask guys. Some would be thrown off my it. Quite a few knew the answer.

The following story was told to me, by someone that I loved dearly. At the time, I would have bet he was my soul mate. I'm glad now, that I was wrong. Anyway, at the time, we were best friends, and he knew so much about the things I loved and enjoyed. The first time I asked, he gave the correct answer. He later prompted me to ask again and he told me this story. Some of the details are slightly changed since I don't remember how he told it exactly.

The Blue Dragon

Once up a time in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a beautiful princess. She would take walks through the forest near the castle. One day, she got lost and came across a blue dragon. Since everyone knows how intelligent dragons are. She asked the dragon if he knew how to get back to the castle. He tried to give her directions, but the directions were not very easy to understand. So, he offered to walk her back until they got to the path she recognized. During their walk, they chatted about a variety of topics and by the time they found the path, they were the best of friends. Before she left the dragon, she promised to come back and visit.

Over the years, the princess and dragon spent a lot of time together. The shared many adventures in the forest and celebrated many milestones together. When you spend that kind of time with someone, it's impossible to not love that someone very much.

On the princess's 18th birthday, she was betrothed to prince from a neighboring kingdom. The prince was a kind and gentle man. He made the princess very happy. And of course, the princess introduced him to her best friend the Blue Dragon. The two got along easily.

The dragon did not realize his feelings for her were love until the day of her wedding. He knew they could never be together in that way. But he never knew the idea of her belonging to someone else would break his heart. And on her wedding day, the dragon flew into the sky and cried. He cried so much that his blue tears filled the sky. And from then on, the sky remained blue.

Later the princess would go to see the dragon to share to share the happy details of the day. But when she found him sad and all cried out. She was persistent in finding out what had made her best friend so sad. He confessed that he had been in love with her all along. He just didn't know it, until her wedding day. She was touched and confirmed that she had been in love with him too. But, she knew they couldn't be together, so she wouldn't hurt him by showing her true feelings. The dragon was happy to know that it was a love that they both felt and shared. And because he loved her so, and did not want to cause her undue heartache. He said he was going to join a clan of dragons in the north. She did not want him to leave. However, because she loved him, she let him go so that he could find peace in a new life.

The princess was sad that their love could never be. But she said the symbol of their love would last forever, for the whole world to see. It would always be a reminder of a love so selfless and true.

All the Pretty Little Horses

Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
When you wake, you shall have,
All the pretty little horses.

Blacks and bays, dapples and greys,
Coach and six white horses,
All the pretty little horses.





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My Story.....


We bought this software program when my daughter was born that had games and songs for children. I am not sure out thinking. But for the song section, we would play the songs and sit with her in front of the PC. We would sing a long and play with her. She seemed to like them.

One of the songs was "All the Pretty Little Horses". I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. It was also a simple enough tune that I could sing it and it sounded pretty good. Well, this song became the song I used to sing to her at bed time or when she was upset. I am happy to say, that she does remember this song as part of her childhood.

The video was filmed in May 2011 at my daughter's spring choir concert. 

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod

by Eugene Field

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
   Sailed off in a wooden shoe,—
Sailed on a river of crystal light
   Into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
   The old moon asked the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring-fish
   That live in this beautiful sea;
   Nets of silver and gold have we,"
            Said Wynken,
            Blynken,
            And Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
   As they rocked in the wooden shoe;
And the wind that sped them all night long
   Ruffled the waves of dew;
The little stars were the herring-fish
   That lived in the beautiful sea.
"Now cast your nets wherever you wish,—
   Never afraid are we!"
   So cried the stars to the fishermen three,
            Wynken,
            Blynken,
            And Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
   To the stars in the twinkling foam,—
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe,
   Bringing the fishermen home:
'Twas all so pretty a sail, it seemed
   As if it could not be;
And some folk thought 'twas a dream they'd dreamed
   Of sailing that beautiful sea;
   But I shall name you the fishermen three:
            Wynken,
            Blynken,
            And Nod.

Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
   And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
   Is a wee one's trundle-bed;
So shut your eyes while Mother sings
   Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
   As you rock in the misty sea
   Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three:—
            Wynken,
            Blynken,
            And Nod.

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Now the story behind the poem....

I fell in love with this poem when I was in high school. I first heard it in the movie Dennis the Menace. Mrs. Wilson told it to Dennis.

Later that same year, when I was in the Army, I had told a good friend about it and how I wanted to tell the poem to my children. Take into account I was 18 and didn't have kids yet. When I was pregnant with my daughter, this same friend sent me a book of nursery rhymes. He picked this book because it had the poem for Wynken, Blynken and Nod.

For years, I read the poem to my daughter when she was real little. So she could turn pages to what ever book and because I had it memorized I could continue the story.

I thought for sure she would remember it since I recited it so many times; but alas, as a teenager,s he has no memory of it. So, last year, I was buying the book for my friend's son's first birthday. And out of the blue, Victoria was upset that I didn't buy her a copy of the book. So for Valentine's Day 2012, I got her the book. I chose Valentine's Day as a symbol of the love I have for her as her mom.

All Things in Time

My latest poem. I am not sure if I am completely satisfied with it, so I may edit and repost later. But for now, this is it.

All Things in Time
~ by Xellina Wieland

When I was least expecting you,
You showed up in my life and changed my world,
You caused me to take a long look back,
And be grateful for things that have come to pass, 

You've given me new hope for the future
And taught me to let go my regrets,
To be in the here and now at last


When I was least expecting you,
You showed up in my life and changed my world,

I've asked myself why now...
...because it's when I needed you

I've asked myself why do I feel the way I do...
...because it's mean to be

I've asked myself what should I do now...
...Nothing, all things happen in their own time

Love is never easy, but it is always on time
Fate isn't about what we want, its about what we need
Life is about growing and changing, not just settling


And I ask again... why now...
...because it's when you needed me

....Why do I feel the way I do...
...because we're connected, heart and soul

... What should I do now...
...Nothing, all things happen in their own time


- - - - - - - - - - -
So here's the back story. I am always analyzing and questioning the big moments in my life. I often have a hard time accepting that things happen when they are supposed to and not when we want them to. I hate waiting for things to happen. I guess it's the control freak part of my psyche. So I think one of my big lessons in this life is to accept the things I cannot change.

So in the last few months, I've been pondering the timing of when we meet people that change us forever. When you meet them, you just "know" that they are a kindred spirit. Someone you have just always known. No matter how much time as passed, you're always the same when you're together. The simplest explanation of this feeling is love. A love that is more than romantic love or friendship or family. It's love at the universal, molecular, atomic level.